A quarter of people (World Health Organization, n.d.) will experience a mental health or neurological disorder at some point in their life, yet societal stigma and shame surrounding mental illness still exists. Underlying pressures impede many individuals from seeking treatment or support. I was one of those individuals and although my journey began in the office of a psychiatrist, I hid in the shadows, feeling shame for years. I was started on the SSRI (Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor), Sertraline, at 14 years old. The medication seemed magical initially and brought me out of my existential teenage angst and suicidal ideation by numbing my trauma memories. Additionally, my energy picked up, and I became more social. As the psychiatric theory of chemical imbalance imprinted on my developing mind, the SSRI became the gateway drug for what would become an 18-year journey of taking multiple prescription psychoactive medications. Originally, I sought treatment for depression and anxiety. As a result of that treatment, I experienced pharmacologically induced mania and prescribed anti-psychotics. Those medications left me with fatigue and lack of concentration, and I was medicated for ADHD. Additionally, I was prescribed benzodiazepines (insomnia/anxiety medication), but luckily, I promptly stopped that one, taken on an as needed basis after only 4-5 weeks because I realized it worsened my depression.
In my late 20’s, my condition became much more complicated when I was hit by a car while bicycling. My injuries involved TBI (traumatic brain injury), thoracic spinal fracture, subsequent neurological complications and psychiatric/gut issues. I developed intractable cluster headaches and migraines that occurred daily and kept me bedbound for days at a time. After a year of unsuccessful interventions, my MD prescribed opiate pain medication, to give me some relief. At the time, I was working on my master’s degree and felt that being productive was critical. There was little conversation at that time about the long-term risks of opiate use and although I took it as prescribed, I became dependent for several years.
In 2011, I read "Anatomy of an Epidemic" by Robert Whitaker and began to understand my "biochemical imbalance" from an entirely different perspective. I became adamant that I would find the right solution and get off all my medications. I intuitively knew that my imbalance was perpetuated by the medications, but I was so far down the rabbit hole, it was hard to conceptualize where to begin. I had a very intense dark night of the soul, spiritual awakening experience when I became vividly aware of the reality that I had spent more than half my life medicated. This was a terrifying realization and I was determined to find my way out of the medicated abyss and to find out who I was without the medications.
Getting off medications* was a very long and isolating experience. I stopped some of my medications cold turkey and the final one (the SSRI) was a slow taper of 10 months. I did not receive adequate medical supervision or considerable support throughout the experience. (I do NOT recommend cold turkey or going through this experience without the support of one’s Primary Care Provider.) I was unable to find a physician at that time that was willing to put aside the prescription pad or offer any semblance of guidance for how to stop the cocktail of medications I was on at that point. I endured much of this journey in relative isolation because of the shame I carried over being dependent on multiple medications. I struggled with protracted withdrawal syndrome (as my neurochemistry was rebalancing), for at least 2 years, though with improvement over that time, albeit slow. I could fill a novel with the random side effects I endured. Thankfully, I found online support groups and validated that I was, in fact, not going crazy but experiencing a hypersensitive nervous system dysregulation.
During my healing journey, I eventually found a Functional Medicine oriented MD, and together we discovered my underlying conditions of both celiac disease and thyroid autoimmunity. Upon that discovery, I recognized I had likely been treating the symptoms for decades but not the root causes. After considerable research and insight, I adopted an ancestral (Paleo) approach to nutrition and to life, focusing on nutrient dense foods, quality sleep,movement, connection and deepened my preexisting contemplative practices,
including yoga and meditation. I went through elimination protocols (GAPS diet, AIP Paleo, etc.) and over time solidified what foods, practices, and regimens work well with my bio-individuality and which contribute to inflammation, worsening my symptoms.*
Today, I have successfully been off all medications for well over a decade,* and I am in better health than ever. Consistent effort for years and finding the proper optimization lead me to transcending a long history of debilitating migraines, cluster headaches, gut issues (celiac), depression and anxiety. I cannot remember the last time I was struck with a cluster headache or migraine. Today, I feel stronger, more energetic, more grounded, and more connected to myself then I ever was. Every day is another opportunity to deepen this process, and each day I feel gratitude for what I overcame. My journey isn’t over. I continuously optimize my treatment protocol, which replaced medications, and every day I strive to maintain this. My journey has evolved into offering support to others. I trust that we each have the potential to emerge from these experiences with greater strength than we ever could have imagined. I am a prime example.
*DISCLAIMER: I do not and will not ever recommend that you stop taking any prescription medications. I am not a doctor and I will not diagnose or treat. The information in my story and on this website should NOT be interpreted as medical advice, professional diagnosis, or treatment to you or to any other individual. This information is not intended as substitution for medical care or treatment. Always consult your primary care physician before trying out any new therapies or changing your diet.